Those moments that take your breath away

I was reminded of something I wrote in January after seeing a video of a sculpture by Jake Griggs, a man who has a way of capturing exactly what I feel at times. 

In this piece, she clings to her spouse that was once her rock. She hold him up for her rock is crumbling. She stand by him in sickness. 

January 2019

You know those first moments when new moments happen,  how it can literally take your breath away?  We have had so much of that lately.  This isn’t a moment of romance, it’s a moment of utter heartbreak.    The first time they cannot tell the doctor their date of birth. The first time they cannot count out their money.  The first time, instead of hours later repeating the same questions and conversations, it’s literally seconds. The first time they can no longer write.  The first time they can no longer drive.   The first time they cannot remember a family members name. 
These first time experiences are not what we planned to share as empty nesters. 
All of these first times however, have made me realize something.  It’s the first time I truly understand the depth my love is for my husband, my partner my soulmate.  It’s the first time I get to be that wife, who really walks that promise we made, in sickness and in health.  It’s the first time I’ve become the head of our household, and handled our finances. I have become fearlessly protective over a man who had always done that for me. 
My Rock is crumbling. Pieces of him are slowly falling out of place.  It will be me who picks them up and my tears will cement them into my heart forever.  One day I won’t have any more first times with this man. I’ll be sitting here and one day, for the first time I’ll say, “I kissed him for the last time”. And then my heart, heavy with the pieces I carry, will focus on all the better first times we had.. not what we are going through right now. 

#WeWalkThisTogether #EarlyOnsetAlzheimer #YoungerAlzheimer #Alzheimer #Alz #EOALZ