I hate this feeling. I can't even describe it. Things you are forced to do like a widow, yet with a spouse still alive are gut wrenching.
It's not like I just move on once things are done, because it's in my face, 24/7. You cannot heal what is still able to cause new pain. It's relentless.
I had to transfer my husband's truck out of his name and into mine...as he is sitting in it.
He has his own emotions I also have to be strong for and help him through. It's not easy friends. None of this is. I know people go through this with grandparents or parents, but this is my 58 year old husband. #YoungerAlzheimer is brutal.
The ladies at the courthouse were so kind. They were the same ones that helped me when we sold our travel trailer and had to transfer that title over.
They even helped me figure out getting it inspected ( expired last month) and brought the paperwork out to Patrick. We had our dog Jack in the back. Jill has been returned. Its another longe story to my day, let's just say chickens were murdered at sunrise.
The truck inspection was expired because it took 9 calls since July to my rep with Farmers to get my proof. For whatever reason the ability to understand we don't have a Fort Worth address or my husband's work email ....was difficult. Can't get registration or inspection done without it. It came in the mail Monday along with my renewed DL that expired.
All of this is even more so important because of what happens next.
With all of that done, I now head to the pharmacy and store. It's 45 minutes away.
I go to Walmart ( saved 50% by transferring to them) and I'm out. I hate shopping so I'm that girl that can be out in 5 min. Lol. I'm also trying to beat sundowning. Emotions are high due to the truck already. But folks, I get out like once or twice a month, so I have lots to do.
I next go to Aldi's and stock up for the next 6 weeks.
Truck is loaded down. Patrick even has stuff between his feet. I swear it resembles my life.
I head back, it's after 5. He is not happy to have been out all day. Tears have flooded my cheeks throughout. I come to Point, Tx. It has our only store to buy hard alcohol. I stop at the 4 way, then proceed to pull in...followed by a cop with lights on.
Yep, I just want this day to be over. I wanted to buy something, get home, put everything away, cook Patrick dinner, make a stiff drink and sit in my tub. I mean my day started with me shooting one of my own chickens suffering.
I get out of the truck was walking around to Patrick to get my insurance. She approached, I hand her my license ( thank.God I just got). I explain about Patrick, my proof of insurance was in the glove box and we had too many groceries between us for me to get it and I couldn't get him to.understand to get it for me. So I excused myself and went to his door
He couldn't do the window so I opened his door...
Yep, a beer falls out and breaks. Patrick thought that would be a perfect time to open one up while he waits for the cop to give me a ticket. 😂🤣🤔
Thankfully the cop didn't see it hear it because she was in her car running my DL. I kick it under, and hurry around to give her my insurance.
Yes, full tears, not too sure if I now smell like it because my feet and legs are soaking wet in it.
She gives me my ticket. Explained it was because, although I did come to a complete stop, my front tires went over the line, which is illegal.
Yes folks, it's a short person issue driving big trucks that you're not use too ..lol. I either hit the front or have 3 feet in front of me in a parking spot. I'll get use to it. One day.
I thanked her for service to the community and even hugged her. Smelling like I did and all. Lol why? Because I needed on. She is just doing her job and I'm just tired. Had not slept in days.
I then told her I was now going into Max's to buy something to forget this day. Max, the owner of the liquor store held the door open.
Yes, I also cried in there.
Tears of relief for everything in order and not getting arrested for the beer.
Apparently my ticket will be $203.00, per Max. He said he sees it all day long.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. My sleeves have lots of tear stains. I remember getting Patrick's seizure medication for the first time. I stood in the corner of the store, and just lost it. I have cried at our feed store, hardware, bank, oil change, getting new tires, taxe office ( ok lots of people have cried there.
.lol) . Y'all I live outside of a town of 1200. Our community is still new to us. I'm sure they think I'm completely unstable.
Just lots of first moments I had to do that my husband took care of for 20 years.
It's not the act of doing them. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm a helpless lady...
It's the reason WHY I am now the one that is doing it that fills my heart with such sadness. My grief escapes out of my eyes when I'm trying my hardest to hold them back. #EarlyOnsetAlzheimer , that bitch, has forced me to be on my own as my husband sits next to me. It has stolen my partner and taunts me with glimpses of what we once shared. She has forced me to let go. I do it in tears in front of the entier world. It's who I am. If I don't let go, it will be impossible to hang on. This road is rough, my heart is tender and my soul gets bruised with days like yesterday.
Today is a new sunrise that I'm going to watch. I am going to appreciate that yesterday is over. No matter how hard it gets... I live here, on this beautiful Farm, in this Beautiful State of Texas in a beautiful County in our Country. I have friends and family that support us and I have a personal relationship with God to help me see that.
#ICanDoThis
#WeWalkThisTogether #EarlyOnsetAlzheimer #YoungerAlzheimer #Alzheimer #Alz #EO
No comments:
Post a Comment