The Dance

A moment that took my breath away. I went into the house to find Patrick dancing to George Strait. He grabs me and he didn't miss a step! It felt like 21 years ago! My heart was so full.
I remember exactly what he was wearing and what we talked about the first time I met him and asked him to dance. The first thing I said to him on the dance floor was, "I like your Hat". He said, " Thank you, I just bought it. It's Palm so when it rains the water just rolls right off." I mean ladies.... who wouldn't fall for that? 💜
He was wearing Curve, a line I got to help launch when I worked for Liz Claiborne back in the 90's and I told him he had good taste. He laughed and said " Well I am dancing with you, so there is that".
What I don't remember is what song was playing, nor do I think I really heard it.
I felt his goodness and remember our conversation like it was yesterday.

From those first steps, we have been inseparable and walked this journey together. He still owns the shirt and hat he wore that night. Know matter how faded it got, Patrick would tell me he could never get rid of the luckiest shirt he had ever worn because he met his forever girl.
I write this with tears falling down my checks because I'm so grateful for that first dance and terrified to think, due to the absolute unpredictability of Younger-onset Alzheimer's, this could be our last. It's hard not to let my mind go there because that is the reality of the road we walk now.
Like his shirt, his memories are fading, sometimes it forces me to walk without my partner, forces me to walk for us both.
Yes, sometimes I feel like that girl line dancing by herself and I don't have a clue to the steps I should take. I don't know this dance and I don't want to dance alone.

When we got married, I truly believed it was forever. That entire grow old, die old together kinda thinking.
What I didn't know, what never entered my mind was that Early/Younger-onset Alzheimer's would sneak into our lives and steal my dances and show me that those like me that walk this journey, don't get to have those, "grow old together" opportunities. Only one of us gets those beautiful memories of that first dance while living in fear it's their last. I may not have been Patrick's first love, but I have so blessed to be his last. 

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